My bachelor recap was on hold as we had a couple slow weeks as even Chris Harrison could not come out and sell us that we about to witness the most dramatic event in bachelor history.
The previous two weeks reinforced the fact our boy was a farmer and the producers created various farm events to sort out the ladies. But even our farmer Chris will affirm that catching a pig is not the best indicator of true love about to blossom.
But the good news to last week’s episode is that crazy Ashley S got a fork in her and we still have the murderer and a few other candidates to assume the mantle of the crazy chick.
We learn the girls will be heading to Santa Fe, New Mexico and this seems like fun.
Megan, who previously broke into Chris’s apartment and donned a motorcycle helmet which triggered the desire to run head on into the walls, offers she is excited to be leaving the country. She continues mentioning she is packing her bikini for the beach and at this point I am vaulting her to the top seed of the wacky crowd ratcheting higher than even the murderer chick. I think one can be a bit forgiving on a lot with this show but she doesn’t know New Mexico is? I would guess she skipped the exercise of learning the state capitals we did early on with the cherubs.
Chris ends up on a one on one with Britt who somehow we learn tends not to shower. I was worried about Britt last week when she committed the cardinal sin of whining to Chris about “where she stands” and “what’s with all these other girls when I thought I was the chosen one”. But Chris saved the last rose for her in what should have been a message of don’t bother about anyone but yourself.
She prepares for her one on one by sleeping with lots of makeup and clothes and heads out for a balloon flight which does offer us freezing New Englanders a nice view of the blue skies, canyons and mountains. Britt comes back to the house and relays she had a nice two hour “nap” with our farmer and everyone in Bachelor Nation, especially the girls left rolls their eyes at that report. I remain still uncomfortable about the lack of showering and eliminate her from my final four. I mean she has a lot of time on her hands and pools everywhere, I would think weaving in a shower every day ought not to be too difficult – on the other hand she didn’t seem stunned to learn New Mexico was in the US so she has that going for her. Chris on the other hand is fumbling through so many scenes Eileen starts to reminiscence about the “good old days” with Juan Pablo.
We do get even more clutter when the previously exiled lush Jordan returns unannounced to see if Chris will give her another window. Jordan confesses she was drunk most of the time which inhibited her giving a good shot at true love. Yep, it takes a savvy one to recognize passing out is not helpful to distinguish yourself in a crowd of contestants’ .In her favor though .she is well aware New Mexico is a state so she has some plusses to base her case. After a brief reprieve, Chris reconsiders and sends her packing again reinforcing the rule there are no seconds chances in the Bachelor. At least, we are comforted that nutjob Ashley S is not lurking around the corner attempting her comeback.
This distraction has helped us forget how much we dislike Ashley I and her fake eyelashes. But just one quick comment from her on any topic reestablishes she is more high maintenance than a Beverley Hills housewife. I check to see if I can text Chris to put us out of our misery and let her go RIGHT NOW but we move on before we start throwing things at the TV. Summy has starting to bark whenever she appears which we interpret as a negative for her prospects as Summy is always right about people.
This Jordan distraction gets us restless for some drama but thankfully we have our murderer to thank for spicing thing up. It seems Kelsey has not had a chance to report her sad story to Chris and the Bachelor Nation. She laments she would feel terrible if Chris tossed her before knowing her “amazing story”.
So while everyone is resting, Kelsey sneaks to Chris’s room and sits down to relay her hubby was wonderful and loving but had the misfortune of being named Sanderson and dropping dead walking to work. I admit having doubts if this guy “Sanderson” exists as who has the name Sanderson? And even less plausible who walks to work? In Texas???
Anyway, she spills all this to Chris who looks sympathetic and responds with the only thing he seems to know to do under any circumstance or news – he leans over to kiss her. Well, mercifully that is behind us now and we all know Kelsey is a widow. I make the market 8-5 this is all made up and Sanderson never existed either before he died or after.
If he did exist though, being married to Kelsey would be enough to stop an Olympic marathoner’s heart.
But if he did exist, this chick gives the sense that she is conniving enough to have killed Sanderson just to have an “amazing story” to tell on the bachelor. Maybe she has upped the ante so to speak for Chris Harrison to tease us with the most dramatic moment …..
Kelsey is really proud of her self now and tells the other girls she will be sad to see someone leave.
Her tone is such that she is saying she is a definite keeper and it is too bad the rest of them have to go.
Ai-yi-yi !!! She is really gone off the wall.
Ok so we finally see Chris Harrison who informs the ladies that no cocktail party as our boy knows what he wants to do in the rose ceremony. We know what to do as well (keep Jade and the funny dance instructor from Vancouver and toss Ashley, Megan, Kelsey and Britt).
Our boy arrives and true to form stumbles through the rose ceremony prep speech and walks off saying this is too emotional. The girls start eyeing each other like the showdown scene in the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (great scene: see it on you tube with Clint, Eli Wallach and Lee Van Cleef)
Then Kelsey stomps off and next we see her crying in a hallway requiring medical attention. Summy is really barking now and (please Chris send her home send her anywhere. And Kelsey take Megan with you although you will need to give Megan precise directions. I can’t let this go. She didn’t know where New Mexico is???
Anyway, no rose ceremony and we wait until next week for Chris Harrison to announce yet again the most dramatic ……
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